Cooler heads must prevail. After spending the last several days convincing myself I have cancer, or worse, that I have it and it’s metastasized, I need to take a step back. Per the article I read 40% of cases turned out to be cancerous. So that leaves 60% of atypical hyperplasia that are non-cancerous. And what makes me think I won’t be in the 60%?

I have to believe in good odds. I have to believe that no matter what happens, I will indeed be okay. 

I think my initial reactions are just my MO. Now that I’ve had some time to process, I am going to focus on a new mantra every day until I receive my results. It’s not cancer until it is. I cannot spend the next several weeks living in fear as a hermit. I need to pick myself up, brush myself off, and continue to live my life. 

Rather than let fear and anxiety convince me of the worst-case scenario, it’s time to focus on the potential positive outcomes, because in all honestly, that’s a realistic scenario as well. Why then only focus on the negative? 

The truth is I just don’t have any answers yet and anxiety and fear do nothing but make me feel worse. Not every ache and pain is cancer or some other serious undiagnosed illness. I need to trust the universe. To let go and accept that which is out of my hands. I need to remember my personal joys and loves and focus on that. Writing, painting, loved ones: these are the three most important areas in my life, my defacto life triangle, if you will. 

I’m still scared, I’d be lying if I said otherwise; however, I need to step back to try to find some semblance of peace, of balance. Otherwise, these next few weeks will be beyond hellish and I won’t accomplish anything. And that simply won’t do as I have an art show to apply to by July 18th. 

I’ve signed up for an online course titled, Overcoming Fear, By Debbie Ford, to help me work through some of my issues. To keep me honest (and ensure that I actually finish the darn thing), I will be using Thru the Storm as my journal if you will. A place to lay it all out and wade through my shit. Maybe, just maybe my ranting and ravings will help someone else experiencing similar issues and fears. A bit nervous about being so honest, but oh well. Here goes.